What I want..

I challenged myself to really think about what I want in my future. For a long time I have been thinking about it all. What is my hearts desire? Is what I say I wanted, what I really want? OR am I wanting this quiet life in Iowa merely because that's what BD wants. After tumbling it over and over in my head I have concluded exactly the kind of life I want. With or without BD. In the time since I posted this I have realized that no matter what, THIS is the kind of life I want (warning... this is the LONGEST post ever.. I wont be offended if you don't read it all! It is a fictional idea of what I'd like my life to be like.. characters subject to change! lol):

The sun fills our room as the curtains blow easily away from the window pane. I raise my head to look at the alarm clock on my bed side table. Before I even make out the numbers I already know its 6:45. The same time I wake up every day. I pull away the covers and sit up. Stretching, and going through the days events. I hear foot steps, and hear the toilet flush. Aidyn's up. I throw on some slippers, and wrap a robe around my bare shoulders. Spring days are warm, but the mornings in Iowa are still chilly.

I walk into the hallway only to see the bathroom door shut. A few seconds later I hear the shower start. "Good morning." I call to the door. I walk down the steps to the kitchen. I kiss my husband good morning as he comes in from the barn. He smells of the outdoors and the kitchen smells of coffee. Even though I hate the taste, the smell gives me the jolt of energy I need.

I start whipping up the usual. Eggs, toast, and bacon. The only thing that changes is the meat. My boys are predictable in the breakfast department. I set out some home made jelly I made with my mom this past fall. I fill several glasses of Orange juice before heading upstairs to get dressed in my sweats.

As I am walking up the steps I meet Aidyn half way. I give him a kiss on the forehead because he is too big for anything else these days. He gives me his "look" and I give him a big smile.

"Breakfast is on the table." I call after him continuing up the steps. He grunts a reply.
"Love you too!" I respond to his back.

"I love you, mom." I hear him call up the stairs.

I smile, and roll my eyes. "Teenagers!" I think to myself. Before I change I stop in and wake up the other boys. Six years younger then Aidyn, my other boys are still young enough to kiss me good morning. I open their blinds, and whisper their good mornings.

They bound out of bed with the energy only children have. The smile on their faces are filled with hope. The excitement of what the day may bring. All the adventures they will go on. Alex turns 6 this coming fall, and Andyn will be a whopping ten years old this summer. I wait until they are sitting up before I leave their room. Alex tells me he loves me and it warms my heart.

"School clothes!" I remind them. Knowing they'd much rather wear a pair of ripped jeans and a John Deere sweatshirt then anything I picked out for them at Gymboree or Gap. They are their fathers sons through and through.

Finally I am able to slip on my sweats and a red t-shirt. I tie my tennis shoes, and sweep my long brown hair into a pony tail. Time for one of my favorite moments of the day. My morning run. I walk down stairs and kiss all my boys. Their father will drive them to school on his way into town. Aidyn will soon have his drivers license and that thought scares me and gives me a sense of relief. It'll help to have another driver in the house.

I bound away from my pretty brick house at a steady pace feeling like a lucky wife and mother.

When I get home an hour later the house is empty except for Montley who meets me at the door. Montley is our Golden retriever. I give him a pat on the head and fill his water bowl. He licks my fingers and I smile at him.

I take the steps two at a time up the stairs to the shower. I start the water as I undress, it takes a while for it to warm up in this old house. Although we have made many updates, the old tub and shower is still the same. As is the plumbing. I test the water with my hand before stepping in. I relax under the water as I plot the rest of my day.

After a quick shower, make up application, and dressing I am down stairs again. I clean up the kitchen, and do my dishes by hand. Even though we got a new dish washer this past winter I rarely if ever use it. Its more for the boys sake then mine. They'd be lost without it when I'm gone.

I wipe up the counters and the table before moving on to the rest of the house. After a brief cleaning, I head out to the garden. Planting had just started the following weekend. Summer will be here in a month, and things were already ahead of schedule thanks to the early warmth of spring.

As I am walking the edge of the property to check on everything I hear the sound of the truck enter the gravel driveway. I look up and wave. I smile and feel the butterflies enter my stomach. After eleven years of marriage it still hasn't gone away. I wait as he walks towards me, and we walk the rest of the property together. It's still early so we have some time to spend together before farm chores, and tending need to be done. This our favorite time of the day, and we talk about everything under the sun. By the time we get back its time for me to go inside and get started on lunch. My husband is a simple man who could live on sandwiches, but I love to make him a warm lunch. He works so hard, and is the assistant coach for Aidyns baseball team at the local high school. He works early in the morning and late into the night in order to do this, but he does it with out complaint. I love being able to do something for him.

I whip up a large batch up chili and pull out a loaf of home made bread. I set our places and call outside to him. He comes in and pulls of his work boots. We eat our lunch quickly and he gives me a kiss before heading back out to work. I'll be lucky if I see him again for the rest of the day even though he works on the farm and I stay at home our days are busy enough to keep us apart for the remainder of the day.

I call up his Grandmother and head over to her house. I bring over a few groceries and a whip cream container full of chili. Even though she should have been in the nursing home years ago, she refused and stayed in the same house she had lived in since her children were young. I walk in and find her sitting in the corner chair. For her age she still keeps herself busy. I give her a kiss and a hug before I put the food in the fridge and make her a bowl of chili. Our relationship is easy, from years spent together. I stay for a half an hour visiting before I head on my way.

Next I run into town to pick up some groceries. Even though other towns around us had boomed, our town still stayed small and quaint. A few department stores had come into town, but nothing like the metropolises around us. I pick up a few groceries, and then head to K-mart to pick up some toilet paper and some house hold cleaners. By the time I am done it is time to pick up the kids from school. Alex and Andyn are waiting when I pull up. I watch them wave to their friends, and they are still laughing when they enter the van. I ask about their school days and they talk openly about their friends and teachers. I pull out two plastic containers with their snacks and hand them back.

I have forty minutes to drive back to the house with the groceries, and then be back to the high school in time for Aidyns baseball game. I drive fast only stopping long enough to put everything into the fridge. I grab the oranges, cookies and Gatoraid from the refrigerator. Its my turn to bring in the post game snack. I place the treats in the back, and jump back into the drivers seat. The boys are arguing about who can jump higher, and I break the fight up. I tell Alex he jumps like a frog, and I tell Andyn that he leaps like a monkey. They both laugh, and we head to their brothers game.

I'm wearing a black t-shirt with the teams logo on it, and Aidyns pin is on my purse. We find our seats on the bleachers, and I wave at some of the other moms. I make small talk with a few before the game starts. Making a memo in my head about the church bake sale at the end of May.

Aidyn hits a double, and makes two outs. He is happy when he approaches me after the game. I give him a hug, and direct him to get the coolers out of the van. I watch as he bounds towards the van, stopping halfway there to talk to two girls from his class. They are all smiles, and it reminds me of high school. Aidyn is popular with his blue eyes and easy smile. Recently our phone has rang more and more with soft young girl voices asking for him. His father laughs, and I worry. "Boys will be boys!" my husband says.

After small talk, and helping my husband load the baseball equipment into the back of his truck. I head towards home. I warm up the chili knowing that the hubs wont mind eating it again. I set the table as I hear the boys pull up in the truck. I love listening to them all talk. They have such a great relationship, and their father is such a great role model. The ease of their relationship makes me smile, and I get four hugs as they enter through the door. I direct them to wash their hands before heading towards the dining room table.

We make it a habit to eat at least one meal as a family during the school year. Alex asks to say the prayer, and I smile and nod. He thanks God for the food, and for the great game. We all laugh, before digging in. Everyone agrees that the chili is good, but all four boys add hot sauce to their bowls. They love spicy, but they know that I don't so they always grab the bottle on chili night.

After supper Aidyn goes up to work on homework, and the two younger boys take turns bathing and brushing their teeth. Around 8:00 I go up to their room to kiss them goodnight. I read them a chapter out of a mystery book, and watch as their eyes get droopier and droopier. Even though they are both old enough to read, it has become a tradition to read to them every night. I read to Aidyn until he was almost thirteen. Even though he became too big, I know that he occasionally stands outside their door to listen. I never say anything in fear that he'll stop. Its comforting to know he's not too big for his mom.

Around 10:00 Aidyn stops by my room and tells me goodnight. I look up from my book and tell him I love him. He smiles at me, and mumbles he loves me too. A half hour later I hear the shower going, and ten minutes later I hear it stop. I put the book mark in my book, and wait for him to come to bed. A minute later I watch as my husband enters the room in his boxers and a white t-shirt. He crawls under the covers his feet cold. He warms them on my bare legs, and I elbow him. He pulls me in, after I click of my reading lamp.

We pray together before drifting off to sleep. I love listening to him speak to God. He tells me he loves me three times before he kisses the back of my neck, and then lies his head on the pillow. Five minutes later I hear his steady breathing, and finally relax into a sleep myself. Knowing that this beautiful life, is exactly what I always wanted.