Tuesday, June 23, 2009

If only...

If only.

If only I could make those special-perfect moments last forever.

If only I could capture that split second smile that crosses your face when you open your eyes and see me. I wish I could keep it in a jar, and bring it out when I don't feel like smiling, because even on the earliest mornings, your smile makes me smile.

If only "boo boo kisses" cured everything. Like cancer, AIDS, and broken hearts. If only, my kisses could keep you safe. If only I could promise your heart will never get broken.

If only I could keep you my "little" boy forever... but on second thought I love everything about you more and more as you get older. I love that you learn new things. I love that you are getting bigger, smart, and stronger. If only I could keep your perfect innocence forever. You have that perfect little boy charm, and I hope that you keep, even a portion of that forever.

If only you could dance like you do now forever. (and no one would make fun of you for it!) I love that you shake your booty, and jump around. You twirl around and around, and squeal with excitement. You drop to the ground and roll around in circles. You dance like no one is watching. You dance the way everyone should dance.

If only I could keep that perfect baby smell, that is starting to fade. I love the way a new baby smells. You are starting to smell more and more like a boy, but sometimes.. right after a bath. When I lotion you up, I can still smell it. I love that you are becoming a "big boy", but sometimes you stink! :) puey loey!

If only... You could grow up to tell me you love me as much as you do now. Now you say it all the time, no matter who is around. You kiss me in front of your friends at school, right smack on the lips. You hug me and squeal when you see me. One day you are going to be embarrassed when I pick you up in front of school. One day you will only groan when I holler after you "I love you honey!" One day you will only want to kiss me on the cheek. BUT maybe one day, after "THAT" stage, you'll kiss me and tell me you love me again... :) I will understand, but I still wish "if only" that you never do go through "THAT" stage... but I know I'm not THAT lucky!

If only you kept your imagination forever. I love that you are a train conductor one moment, a pirate the next, and a daddy right after that. I love that you can talk to your Crocodile, named Gator. I love that you can tell silly stories, and play with your trucks. My favorite things about kids is their imagination, and yours is especially talented. Never lose that, its a gift.

If only I knew that you would always be okay. That I would never hurt you, or make mistakes. If only I knew that your life would be a piece of cake, and be flawless. It hurts me more to see hurt. I hate when you are sick, or when someone makes you cry. The thing is, that out of everything I've mentioned, the one thing I know is that Life isn't fair. There are a lot of "if only's". I hope that you learn from all of them. Grow from all of them. I hope that you become an amazing man. I hope that I am apart of making you that man.

I hope that you look back 20, 30 even 50 years from now, and you can say that you knew, without a doubt every minute of your life that I loved you. That there wasn't a moments hesitation, because there hasn't been a second that you weren't apart of me. I pray that no matter what happens in your life, that one thing stays crystal clear, that you are so loved. There better never be an "if only" about that. :) That's just plain obvious :)!