Recital Letter

Dear Lady sitting behind me at the elementary recital,

I would first like to congratulate you on the act of reproducing. You have proven to me and the rest of the people sitting around and trying to video tape that it does not take brains to get yourself knocked up. It obviously doesn't take a high IQ to shove said child out of your vagina and raise him to the ripe old age of..what nine? Although, it should take class, in which case you have none.

I realize that you thought you were funny.. since you made that comment about a hundred times in less then an hour. I need to inform you that in fact you are not. Not one bit, funny. Maybe you didn't know this.. BUT swearing does not make you cool. No, seriously... I'm not kidding! Maybe you thought that cussing during elementary recitals made you seem bad ass.. maybe you wanted to match all your facial piercings.. I really don't know what possess a grown women with a child in third grade to cuss like a sailor loud enough for it to appear on my video recordings. I'm so glad that the little old man sitting next to me will have your loud obnoxious voice saying the F bomb over and over again on his home video, I'm sure it'll make a great gift to bring home to nana!

I also love how you kept saying "inappropriate" whenever the young cute girl came out in her swimming suit. Do you not realize that she was under the age of 12? A girl that young in a swim suit is not inappropriate unless the person looking at her is a perv. Apparently you were the one with the perverted mind. I think you also found this funny.. I'm sure her mom and dad just loved hearing you say that about their daughter. I'm sure it really warms their hearts knowing skeeze balls like you were oogling there young daughter.. You're the inappropriate one, hon.

I do appreciate that you shut your mouth when I finally got so sick of you that I turned around and asked you to PLEASE BE QUIET! Yes, I did hear you mutter under your breath.. but luckily I don't really give a crap. I was just happy that afterwards you did shut up.. I'm sure the rest of the folks around me were too. Finally we could video tape the real reason we were there.. for our children!

I'm glad you had fun running your big annoying mouth, but next time do us all a favor and stay home! I just pray that your child isn't completely f'd up by the time he realizes that you are not cool, and to not follow in your sailor speaking, no class, loud mouth ways.

Sincerely,
The annoyed woman sitting in front of you at the elementary recital!