missing him...

I havent had much to say lately, more then likely its because Aidyns gone. I feel like an artist with out a muse. An empty canvas, just sitting there beckoning you, but once you are there, nothing seems to want to come out. I miss Aidyn with a passion that seeps out of me. Sometimes I wake up thinking I am hearing him crying, just to realize it was only a dream. Other times i'll be in the other room, and i'll rush to his bedroom, thinking I heard him crying.

I feel like one of those people who loses an arm, but still has ghost pains where their limb used to be. I can still feel him, but he's not there. God.

He called me today and rattled on about a "yellow school bus." It was nice to hear his voice and the excitement about this new-cool object. I just wish it was my voice along with his on the other end of the line. I wish we could have sang together the wheels on the bus, or waved at the bus driver. The entire time I talk to him I feel home sick for the only home I know these days. Its true what they say.. that home is where the heart is. Right now my home is thousands of miles away in NE, in a little two year old boy who is (hopefuly) fast asleep. I cant wait for him to come home, so I finally feel like i'm at home too.