Monday, November 2, 2009

My life on a map.

Since my son has been born I have moved four times. If you take a look at this map, you'll have a little more understanding.

This means that I have moved more then once a year since he has been born. I have moved from A-B-C-D and now a possible E back to B? If you didn't follow that, I am now considering and pretty much sold on a move back to Minnesota. The move date isn't set in stone, but it will be soon. This will be one of the hardest moves I have ever made, but it is for all the right reasons.

I have really enjoyed my life over the past two and a half years. All the adventures and places that Aidyn and I have been/lived. We have met the most wonderful people, and we've had incredible experiences. There are times when I am walking down the side walk and I'll see a palm tree and go "Wow, I live in Florida!" It seems like a dream.

I love that Aidyn has been exposed to many different types of people at his school. He has been able to see all sorts of different people with different ideas, ethnic backgrounds, and religions. I love that all his friends look different. I love that he considers everyone his friend and that none of those things phase him. I hope no matter where we live that he never loses that trait.

I love all of my friend who have become family. They are wonderful in so many different ways. They have made this place my home, and when I leave a part of me will always stay here with them. My stomach literally aches at the thought.

My little brother and I are best friends. Some of my favorite moments here in FL have been with him. I love that I can walk downstairs and talk to him, I love that my son is so close to him (and his gf), I love that we take care of each other. He has my back and I have his. It will be hard to say goodbye to him.

Besides my brother my sister, niece, Dad and Step family all live here as well. I will miss all of them and I know Aidyn will too.

So after all those reasons, and ones I haven't even listed, you might be asking yourself (and me) why I am making the choice to move....... The answer is an easy one.


It is hard to be apart from him for two months at a time. It breaks my heart, and I feel utterly miserable behind the smile I fake while we apart. I have had some great times, but at the heart of it I just plain miss him. I don't think I can do it again.

Aidyn-man is having a hard time too. When I even pick up my purse or put make up on, he is right there wondering where I am going. He is so worried that I am going to leave. I am constantly reassuring him that I will come back. Yesterday he told me: "I don't want to go far-far away to daddys again. I want to stay with you." Truth is I know that he LOVES his dad, but I know that right now he needs me too. He needs consistency. As easy as it would be to stay for my own selfish reasons, I know that I have to give that to him. He needs a home, with a mom who is there to kiss boo-boos, make him supper, give him baths, and read him bed time stories. I finally feel whole again, and even though I have a long way to go, I know that I am ready and able to give him that. I am ready to be team mates with his father. We are ready to do this together. I think it will be a positive experience for all of us. A friendship between us is beginning to form, and I hope with all my heart that everything will work out-with positive benefits to Aidyn.

Florida will always have a piece of my heart, but Aidyn is my home. Goodbyes will be hard, but in the end I know that there are tons of unexpected surprises waiting for us, no matter where our travels bring us. :)


Busy Bee Suz said...

You will be doing this for the right reason...I don't blame you.
Good luck!!