Saturday, March 15, 2008

From across the room.

I sometimes ask myself, on nights like tonight, why not him? Why cant you be satisfied with a genuine, nice, stable, perfectly normal guy? One who finds you pretty and charming. Who laughs at your jokes, and treats you like a lady? Who brings you flowers on your first date and opens your door. Why cant you be happy with mister perfect? Why do you always fall for the ass hole? why? Standing before me (metaphoricaly) is a perfectly perfect guy. But i dont love him. I dont know If i can ever love him. Does love happen right away? Do you just know? Is it some big spark. Do you see someone from across the room, and just know. Does everyone blur out like in the movies, leaving you and this other wonderful person across the room?

I think i'm scared to settle for "good".. when "great" is out there. Not that this other person isn't "Great" i'm just saying.. that the feeling.. that wonderful "giddy" feeling isnt there. Maybe i'm being too "high school" about all this. maybe.

But right now, sitting at my computer.. on a friday night.. i'm sad. I'm sad because i'm scared that at 20 i'm looking at what my life will be like for the next 20 years. Not that its bad, just lonely. I watch as all of my ex's and "almost" ex's find their wonderful perfect person. That person that makes them giddy, and excited. I'm happy for them. Truley. I love watching people in love. But some how, destiny has forgotten me. Why? Is it some bad karma coming back to bite me in the ass?

I guess what i'm saying is, all the advice in the world doesnt help. All the people with good intentions.. you know who you are... dont mend a lonely heart. That feeling in my gut stings right now, and all I want to do is cry. I wish I could muster up a good cry right now. But somehow my tear ducks are dry, and all i'm left with is that dumb sinking feeling, and it wont go away. So mister perfect, if you're out there... i'm waiting.. i'm waiting for you, and that over the moon, totaly crazy, perfectly perfect love that you're going to give me.. so hurry up.. will ya :) I miss you, and I dont even know you.