Single parent.

This past weekend I did some examining of my life. If you read my post about being content, then you know that I am completely happy. I really am content in who I am, and where I am. I think a lot of that has to do with the choices that I (along with BD) have made in the past three years.

As some of you know BD and I made the split when I was pregnant with Aidyn. Although we continued to spend time together, and he made it to every doctors appointment. It was hard, and sometimes I wished we had worked things out; it ultimately was the best choice we ever made.

We had to be honest with ourselves, for our son. We looked at what our relationship was like, and although it wasn't abusive, it also wasn't the atmosphere we wanted to bring a new baby into. Even in my stomach I knew Aidyn was worth it. We wanted to give him the world, even if it meant we weren't "together."

BUT even though we weren't a couple it didn't mean we didn't do this TOGETHER. Together is how we have turned Aidyn into such a well behaved, loving, and smart child.

It was hard. Working together with someone you loved-then hated-still sort of loved-but couldn't be with was one of the hardest things I have ever done. It rocked me to my core. I can't tell you how many times I held Aidyn as he cried his colicky cry, and I sobbed. It was rough.

Even when it was hard we sat down and discussed things. We knew that in order to co-parent successfully that we had to set some guidelines. Here are a few:

1. No way-under ANY circumstance will we "bad talk" the other parent in the presence of our child!

2. Never will we use our son as a token to hurt the other person.

3. Aidyn is number one- before any boyfriend or girlfriend. He did not choose to be in this situation there for HE comes first.

4. Respect. We have to respect each other so that Aidyn will respect us.

5. Routine. We kept the same routine at both of our house holds. Same rules, same bed time routine, and same schedule.

6. COMMUNICATION. There is an open phone rule. If something happens to Aidyn. Call. If Aidyn wants to talk to us at ANY time- he can. If there is a problem-we address it. Period. It is the only way this has been able to work.

Even with guidelines we failed at times. Sometimes we got angry. Sometimes we screamed. Sometimes I wish I never had to see him again. BUT with Aidyn came an understanding. An understanding that with out each other we wouldn't have this incredible little person. Our lives would be so different.

Our relationship has grown more in the past year. We went from lovers, to fighters, to parents, and now I can definitely call him: my friend. The relaxed way that we are able to co-parent is because we put the time in. We worked out the kinks. We put the time in BECAUSE Aidyn was worth it.

I know that there are people that look down on me BECAUSE I am un-wed single mother. I get it. BUT I can say that I am a far better mother for NOT marrying BD JUST because I was pregnant. I have challenged myself, I have learned to work with another person, I have turned the other cheek, and I have put my son first. If that doesn't count for something then I am not sure what does.

I don't think a persons worth as a parent should be determined by a ring. It should be determined by the effort and time one puts in. It should be determined by the love that the child receives, and by their happiness. In all of those regards, I'd say we are doing a pretty good job. We may not be perfect, but we love our son, and if you ask me... that's the only thing that matters.