Wednesday, February 3, 2010

The changes...

So for quite a while I have been apologizing for my lack of blogging. Well, more or less my lack of commenting. I have had my plate full these last few weeks, and especially these last few days. It has been decision time.

As some of you may know, I have always intended on moving back to the Midwest. It is where my heart is. It is where my family it is. It is where BD is. It is where I am supposed to be. Selfishly I have post-poned this move through out this year. I have been pretty back and fourth. I felt that finally I was ready. I am ready.

Today as Aidyn-man and I walked to school I said "Okay Lord, what do you want me to do?" Then without any hesitation I knew. "Move home." Just like that. No it wasn't some loud booming voice. It was my voice. It just kept repeating "Move home. Move home. Move home." Bam. I knew what I had to do.

Of course there were many factors which helped bring me to this conclusion. I knew that I needed to do this. I needed to do this today. I knew that if I waited.... If I questioned that I wouldn't listen to what I knew I had to do. So I called my Mom. I called my Dad. I called BD. (in that order.) After the go-ahead I knew today would be the day I told my boss.

Thats the scary part. I LOVE my job. Even when I am stressed out to the max, I still love it. Maybe in a different way then when I first started, but I love it. I Love those kids. GOD how I love those kids. It will be one of the hardest things I have ever done to say goodbye to them. I love them. Period. They are my babies. I have spent 40 hours a week with these kids for a year. I don't even want to do the math, but something tells me I spend almost as much time with them as there parents do. If not more.

My boss is not an easy person to tell that your "quiting". She is a loving person, but she is also tough as nails. I knew this would not be an easy task. What makes it harder is that this week alone two other teachers quit. (and this is not a big school..) She was upset. She said some things that hurt me. She made me feel as if my year here didn't matter. I knew that's how it would be... so it didn't sting... as much.

Afterwards I shared what I did with my fellow teachers. I went around room to room on my break. I wanted them to hear it from me. Not some warped rumor, but the truth. I was met with MANY warm hugs and reassurance from my co-workers. They are AMAZING! Hardest yet was telling FB. I cried at the site of her, and I know there will be MANY-MANY more tears ahead.

As hard as it was, it is as if a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I am ready to be home. I am ready to be back with my family, with my mom. Aidyn is so thrilled! I know this is the direction that I am supposed to be headed. It will be a tough journey, but I am so glad that I have all of you to help me through it. :)

I will be flying home in two weeks to stay with my mom for a few months. She has been very sick and I feel it is my place to go home and take care of her. From there I will look for a job near BD (in Iowa) so that we can be close enough to share Aidyn-man easily. To enjoy him together as a family.

These next few weeks will be filled with goodbye letters, pictures, and flashbacks to FL moments. (So stay away if you don't want to hear a whiny blubbering baby, or read tear smugged blog posts. I'm afraid that's just how its going to be! :) ) Keep me in your prayers dear Blog friends- I am going to need all the support I can get!


Rick said...

There goes your "Happy Award." You'll have to give it back, you know. (One of those unwritten blogging rules.) Good luck on you move homeward. I'm from Oklahoma, but feel that the Northwest has become my home.

Busy Bee Suz said...

Congratulations on making your decision. I know this will make you and Aidyn so is hard to make the right choice. but you will be fine and happy...I just know it.

Elizabeth said...

Change can be good...and a move can be good too! I will be praying for you in the direction you are headed!!

Unknown said...

Its great when you come to a conclusion and you know what you are doing is right. No matter what negative things you may hear. It will be nice to be with mom/grandma right. GOOD LUCK, on the move and travels.

P.S. I am glad you liked my laundry room and the soap jar. I post my ideas so that people can be inspired. I would love to see what you do... email me pics. or you can link back to my blog, when and if you get to your decorating. ;) THANKS, JGG

~Tom~ said...

No matter where you rest your head at night, you will always be in the hearts of those that care about you. That includes all of us out here in blogville. I wish you the best of luck.