Monday, March 30, 2009


Yesterday was the day. The day I had to say goodbye to my beautiful little boy for two months. So many people have asked me how I am able to walk away. I guess its the fact that I know i'm giving my son a gift. The gift of a relationship with his father, and a relationship with his family. To me it is a beautiful gift, and there has never been a doubt in my mind that I wanted his father to be in his life. It was a given. So yesterday was bitter sweet. I love the look on my sons face when he see's his father. I love that they have that amazing relationship that every little boy desires. For that I am so greatful.

Obviously Aidyn didnt grasp what was going on. He merely ran to his father waved at me, and said "Bye mom!" He is so brave, and he really does ease well going back and fourth. My heart sunk as we drove away. I fell into a fit of sobs as my mother held me in the applebees parking lot. As we drove away, I held it together, but inside it was killing me.

Today as I was sitting at my gate in the airport, I was feeling sick to my stomach. It was one thing to say goodbye, but it was another thing to leave the state. I would no longer be close enough to jump in my car and be there if something happened. I wouldnt be close if he needed me to hold him, or if he had a bad dream. I would be clear across the country. I was near tears when I heard something.

It was music...

Typically I wouldnt change seats and move closer to someone. I'd feel nosey or rude.... but I did. I was compelled. I moved closer to this man with a guitar. He was a beautiful black man with an AMAZING voice. He was singing in Creo. Then French. Then Spanish.. and then in English. He was singing these beautiful Christian songs. One I grew up singing. I closed my eyes, and thanked God. It was a sign from him that he never leaves me. He calmed my heart and my mind. He held me in that moment. I just closed my eyes and prayed. I listened to every word of this angel singing. I am pretty sure this man isnt a real angel.. but today he was. He was my angel.

I dont know who he is, but I know God sent him for me today. Thank you sir.. and Thank Big guy ^ for reminding me that i'm never alone. That you never forget me.. That I am your little girl, and that wonderful feeling of being wrapped in your arms.

:( sad, but blessed :)


Lori said...

Oh honey you are such a woman of courage and I was witness of such a brave resilient woman yesterday. I know I have already said this but I must say it again, I am so proud of you. You are taking the high road...not the easier road or less painful road...but it is the right and good road to take, with the best interests of Aidyn in mind. Aidyn transitions well and is brave, because of you...because you keep his daddy a part of his life every single day and you are so positive and happy in Aidyns presence.

My heart broke for you yesterday and it broke once again this morning as I left you and even worse coming home to yours and Aidyns absence. It was a long 2 hour drive home. I am glad that an angel found you today.

Just be glad that you flew away from here today. It is just starting to snow and now they are saying we are suppose to get 15-20 inches of snow with lots of strong wind...ugh. Love always, XXXOOO

Big Hair Envy said...

Footprints in the Sand.....