I am going through a grieving process.
I am grieving over the loss of a friend.
She hasn't passed away, but our friendship has.
Before you start to think of me as being overly dramatic, hear me out.
Have you ever had a friend that you just connect with?
Someone who you meet and instantly you know you'll be friends forever?
Someone who gets you through a really terrible time in your life?
Someone whom you share your deepest and darkest secrets with?
I am lucky to have several REALLY good friends.
When I moved to FL I knew NO one. (besides my family)
It was therapy in and of itself to move there.
To start fresh.
To find myself again.
In the process of finding myself I met a girl who quickly became "that" friend.
Even after a rocky start I knew that she and I were meant to meet.
We swiftly became inseparable.
We laughed some nights so hard that I would almost pee my pants.
That belly laugh that completely consumes you, causing you to go red in the face and do that gawd awful snort you inherited from your mom. (or wait.. is that just me?)
She held me as I cried.
On Aidyns birthday I wept in her arms. Being an entire country away from my baby, and she was the one holding me.
We worked hard together.
We traveled together.
We flirted together.
We drank wine, and watched movies.
She was my other half.
She made my FL time what it was.
But then it ended.
About a month before I moved I felt her withdraw from me.
She spent more time with a co-worker of mine, and made excuses for not calling.
She stopped telling me her secrets.
She stopped inviting me places.
It was almost worse then a breakup!
It was miserable.
When I confronted her about it, she always made me feel as if "I" was the needy one.
Like I was making it up in my head.
When I left it was bitter sweet.
I knew I would miss her like crazy, but at the same time I already felt as if our friendship was over.
We talked only once or twice from Feb-June when I went back to visit.
Our relationship seemed forced at best.
She had her own plans, and I had mine.
BUT I wanted it to be there.
IT was... sometimes..
I loved laying with her in her bed and talking about past memories.
I loved having a drink at the bar with friends.
I loved getting cuban food at the ghetto but delicious restauraunt on campus.
Then I left again.
AND NOTHING.
She quit answering my calls
She quit replying to my texts.
It would take months to get a response via facebook.
So I decided to ask her about it.
I sent her a message saying "Hey I miss you! You havent returned my phone calls in over four months! Whats up with that?! Totally not cool! Love you! Brittany"
I kept it light hearted, but it was a last ditch effort at a relationship.
She responded by saying something to the effect of: "I know, I've been super busy! I'll call you soon. .but I'm happy and thats all that matters!"
It was like a slap in the face!
After a long discussion with my mom I ended up deleting her off my face book, from my cell phone, and "out of my life."
I know that seems so "drastact" or juvinal.. but..
I needed to!
Sometimes there are people that are toxic in your life.
Either what they do or DONT do in my case brings you down.
From there I ended up facebook purging!
I went from over 500 friends to less then 250!
I deleted anyone I dont talk to.
I deleted people who added me from parties, and I never spoke to again.
I deleted ex boyfriends.
I deleted old school mates..
etc..
It was the most freeing feeling!
I think I could even delete more!
It was like a cyber funeral!
I got rid of all the people who were weighing me down.
Now I feel more confident to express myself on my facebook.
I feel as if the only people left are people who raise me up, and make me feel good about myself!
So as tough as it was to say goodbye to that old friend (FB if any of you remember her) it was something that I needed to do.
It may not be a forever goodbye, but for right now I think its the best thing for me.
Have you ever had to get rid of a friend?
How did you feel, and how did you do it?
Because some days like today when I see her profile picture and see that she has a boyfriend, and I know NOTHING about it.. I just wish I could call her up, drive to her house, crawl into bed and gossip with her until morning..
and knowing I can't just plain SUCKS!
Sunday, October 24, 2010
RIP
Posted by Brittany at 9:00 PM
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29 comments:
Aww, Britney! I'm so sorry! I know how it feels to have a friend like that, but I believe that God puts certain people in our lives only for a season sometimes. There are some gals who I was close to at certain times in my life, and I realize now, that it was only for a season. I know it hurts to lose a close friend like that. It is a loss, for sure, especially how it feels like she just detached herself without any explanations.
loosing friends suck, but its better to be gone than to infest your life.
Very sorry to hear! Esp since it seems to be for no particular reason...
Well its her loss right!! It sucks to lose a friend but sometimes its better!!
I am so sorry pretty friend. It really sucks losing a friend especially when its for no reason at all. It'd be easier if it were over a fight or something of that sort. I've had plenty of friends do this to me. I totally feel your pain. I just have to keep reminding myself that its their loss. I was the best friend i could be and I reached out as much as I could.
You are a wonderfully sweet, funny, blunt, and creative friend! I think anyone would love to be your friend!
Take care sweet friend.
I've been there - and it sucks and it hurts, but sometimes just cutting your losses and walking away is the best thing. There's no reason to have to convince someone to "be your friend" and let me tell you facebook purging is AMAZING!
Sometimes these things happen and you may never ever know why.
It is certainly her loss.
Cyber funeral? I love that. cutting the waste is a good idea.
I do that with my blog followers/following sometimes.
Just sending hugs, I think we all know how that feels, and it sucks..so hopefully this little hug (and all the ones above and below mine),, will make you smile!!
I know exactly what you mean. My BFF is high school rarely talks to me anymore. She got married shortly after grad and had a child and I'm just not there yet and we drifted into our own seperate lives. It sucks because I could tell her anything and everything and I've never trusted someone as much as I trusted her.
I guess life does take you in different directions, but a phone call once in a while would be nice. Any time we do talk, I may the initiation and I always seem to be buggin her. I've never even met her daughter and she like 5 now. Maybe older?
I totally feel your pain. I'm sorry for the loss!
Oh man. It's like I could have written this. Over the last few years I've lost more than one good friend. It's a horrible feeling.
I try to tell myself it's their loss but sometimes I find myself feeling sad despite it. I remember all the good times and it makes me sad to know that one bad time ended all that.
If you ever need someone to talk to I'm here! I know how you feel and it's no fun at all.
I've had friendships that I have become distant with but never have they blatantly ignored me. I'm so sorry you went through this.
It's always harder to lose a friend, than a boyfriend. :*(
Aww it's so hard to lose friendships, especially ones that are that good. I admire you for sending her that message months later, because I would've been too stubborn to give her another chance. Only make space in your life for the people that want to be there. I don't know what her reasons are for seeming like she doesn't want to be your friend anymore, but I think she has a horrible way of going about it.
Good for you for removing her and other people you don't talk to from your facebook. I did it as well a couple of months ago and it feels great.
Yeah it truly sucks! I know that feeling. My roommate my Sophomore year of college was that way. we became friends as freshmen and she wound up with "problems" and freaked out on me and moved out in the middle of the night. At the time I didn't realize the problems she had but our Junior year the third one to our trio called her ex who called me looking for her parents phone number because she tried to OD and she was being rushed to the ER. For a long time she and I couldn't be in the same room together and if we were, I wouldn't allow it to be just the two of us for how she freaked out on me. Times have gotten better and yeah that might be a lot more extreme but I do know the feeling!
I totally understand you....it's crazy how things change over time!
"As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You'll fight with your best friend. You'll blame a new love for things an old one did. You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back."
I love this quote! :-) xoxo~
i just checked and you didnt purge ME!!! :)
I've lost a number of friends over the years - mostly the kind that get a boyfriend/husband and drop off the face of the planet.
It's hard to lose someone you're that close to, but I think you have the right mindset - to think of it as a breakup. This way, it may be easier for you to greive the relationship & then move on to bigger & better things with your memories in tact. :)
And if you're looking to expand your FB friends again - lemme know! LOL
i know how that is. i went through it over this summer, seriously lol really really sucks.
i actually deleted my fb but then people got upset (ugh, whatever) so i reactivated it and started the slow and painful process of deciding who to weed out...
but it was refreshing and i needed to do that. i'm 22 and still having to figure out who my real friends are.
some "friends" are not always supportive of me and i just have to stay away from them for awhile until they stop actin up! maybe your friend will realize how bad she's treated you and come around. if not, just remember the good times and don't let her be a cloud over your beautiful life ( :
i left you an award, please stop by and check it out.
Ok 1) You scared me and you are never ever ever ever allowed to do that again
2) I know how you feel I have lost many friends over the years from drifting apart. I have also lost some in this same manner. Where for some reason we grow apart and stop talking and I try to get in contact and make plans ut nothing. It does suck worse than a breakup
3) I cant believe she said "Im happy and thats all that matters" as a response to that message. WOW! That is not a good friend and you did the right thing by purging your facebook clean from non-friends. Seriously. It sucks to find out your friends arent who you thought they would e
4) Maye I will go purge my facebook. I had to do that recently because of a specific bloggy "friend" who ended up being a witch and not allowing me to be who I am and making me feel like shit
5)You rock and everyone that is still is blessed to be your facebook friend is lucky :)
6) I really wished we lived closer. I know we would be great friends!
It is interesting that you post this on today of all days. I'm totally missing a friend of mine that I "broke up" with.
aww :-( this has happened to me too. it's ok. not all friends are meant to be life long. she was there when you first moved... and now you have better friends! (and a great blog with lots of blog friends that love you :-)
aw i know how you feel. good for you for making your FB positive!
I totally know where you're coming from. I don't know if you remember, but I posted about that same kind of friend a few weeks ago. I know how you're feeling, & it's really hard. You're not being dramatic or juvenile. Sometimes it's really hard to let go, but cutting the ties (even on Facebook) is necessary. I think you made the right decision. If you've truly grown apart, there's no sense in getting hurt anymore. But maybe this is the wake up call that will bring you back together too!
Aww, I'm so sorry :( I hate losing friends. Since I move around so often, sometimes it happens and it's just the worst feeling.
I need to go through my Facebook friends and delete people.
Aww I know what you mean and sometimes it feels great to just get rid of the extra baggage. I was in a spot like that with one my friends. I bought a house and she wanted me to go to the bar every time she did. I couldn't afford to keep up with her and she considered that a bad friend. Luckily we are growing closer together again because she has a house and can see it's not easy but I can remember how much weight was lifted off me when I just stopped trying with her. Good luck!
Now that I'm older, 30 older....i couldn't care less about the people that don't bother with me...shit the only family members that do care are my mother and my sister and they mean everything to me. I have a friend who i've been friends with for over 18 years, we've moved on with our lives and gone seperate ways but we can always pick the phone up and catch up where we left off. I have that one best friend who sends me mothers day cards, b-day cards and she's my heart.
We're not close close but we are good friends. For me, just taking care of my girls is all i need...
you know i do the same thing, clean the facebook and clean out the old people in my life...some come back but others are just a tiny memory...we move on and you will. you will def. look back and say-tooooshay! The older we get, the wiser...your not losing a friend...she did! :) muahhh
and you can always text me booger face..it doesn't just have to be about this contest...it can be about you coming to FL and staying with me for a bit:) teeeee.....heeeee:) bring Aidyen down and take a break!
xoxo
Vic
Oh hon, I have SO been there. It still hurts at times but it does get easier. I too was left with not having the faintest idea why we are no longer friends. That is so hard. It is her loss though. xoxo
AND
Good for you for purging her out of your life. I believe it's the only true way we can move on.
I can relate to this. I've had several of those relationships that have died. It was hard, but it was something that had to be done. I think back on those relationships, but am happy they are no longer. Here's to a brighter future.
Been there too and I finally realized after trying so hard to force something - that I had to just let go. It hurt. We were best friends for over 10 years. We were in each other's weddings. Hard. But, once I did, even though I missed her - I felt free.
Then it happened to me and a friend of 23 years - last October. Over something I posted on FB last year (not involving her - but a poll I took) and she was offended at the photo, took it personally and had a huge blowout. That was sad - but we needed to part. I felt that a tie was broken and that was hard. Again - she was in my wedding and we have known each other since 6th grade. I realized seasons come and go and change and I had to learn to go with the change, as hard as it may be.
I'm sorry that this has happened and hopefully you will find happiness in a friend again - like you did with her. And I hope you can hold onto all those wonderful times you shared with her!
I know how that feels. I had that friend when I was in Columbus. Then I moved away and suddenly he stopped talking to me. I invited him on a road trip with some other friends and he backed out at the last minute. He said he was coming to my Halloween party (which even prevented his ex gf (with whom I'm now better friends than him) from coming) and then never even came to DC. I sent him a message letting him know I'll be back in Columbus this weekend, we'll see if he even responds.
I'm not going to delete him, though. Maybe it's just a guy thing, but I'm not really hurt by it. I made other friends, he made other friends, we moved on with our lives. It just kinda sucks being the one who didn't really see it coming.
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