Monday, September 13, 2010

Every other weekend.

Sharing a child, means trust.

What if there is no trust there?

Two weekends a month I have to trust a man that I don't trust.

I am sending my child to a man who has hurt me more then anyone on this planet.

It feels cruel.

I know his father loves him.

I have never doubted that.

What I doubt is his definition of love.

How could he have loved me, then slept with another woman?

He makes promises still.

If I confront him on a topic, he always eases my mind.

Until he doesn't.

Meaning what?

He tells me everything I want to hear.

Then he does the EXACT opposite.

This weekend Aidyn spent time with his father.

He hadn't seen him in a month, and they were both anxious to see each other.

BD recently moved into his own place and had put together a room for him.

Since Aidyn has a tough time sleeping alone, one of my first questions for him was if he slept the entire night in his own bed.

He was so proud when he told me he had!

Then he said something that made me want to vomit.

"Then I went into Mommy and Daddys bed.."

pause...

"I mean... Daddy and "A's" bed!"

"A" being BD's NEW girlfriend!

What?!

He then proceeded to tell me that they took him into bed with them!

I wanted to pull over and throw up.

Aidyn had met her briefly before.

As was discussed

When BD asked if Aidyn could spend some time with her this weekend, we had set guidelines.

Allowing our son to get into bed with them, was not one of them!

In fact BD said she would be sleeping at his parents house.

I was quite proud of that thought.

I thought he was growing up.

WRONGO!

Aidyn is so confused, and BD is only confusing him more.

If I had a dollar for every time Aidyn asked me if I was marrying his daddy, I could pay for a wedding!

So to go from that to seeing his dad with another woman.

Heartbreaking.

The hard part?

I have to send him back.

Every other weekend.

I feel like all the stability I try and give him at my home, crumbles when he's been at his dads.

Is this how he'll grow up to act?

Will his same sex role model teach him all these disgusting behaviors.

I pray every night that he doesn't.

And every other Sunday I will hold him, and tell him I love him just like all the days before.

I will get him back into a routine.

I will try and show him what a REAL home is like.

I will teach him how a REAL man acts.

and I will pray to God that my son grows up to be a man that is honorable.

Every other weekend is not what I wanted.

13 comments:

Aimee said...

Wow I am so sorry. That is completly ridiculous. I understand your worries about Aidyn being around that type of a role model but I think as long as you have open communication with him and are honest and try to keep a regular and stable life the time he is not at BD's than that will benefit him greatly.

Wow hopefully one day BD grows up a bit. He should be more responsible than that...you're right

Miss Chelsea said...

Your poor little boy. I wish I had words of advice to offer, but I am clueless on this situation... good luck?

Mrs.Vid said...

I wish I had some wise words of wisdom to offer to you in this situation but I don't.. All I can say is that you're doing the best you can and that if you keep showing Aidyn the best choices he will learn what is best from you. I am so sorry you are having to deal with this!

Venassa said...

Aw that's a rough situation. But since he's spending most of his time with you, you're the one who's mostly shaping him to be the man he'll grow up to be. Just do your best to teach him, it's all you can really do.

Mandy said...

Gosh that would make me so angry!! I'm so sorry that you and Aidyn are in this situation. But at least he is spending most all of his time with you, and is receiving *most* of his life lessons from you. I guess all you can do is make sure to really be the strong example that he needs and hope that he exemplifies that as he grows up. I'm sure he will. You are a fabulous Mom, and from what I can tell- he just adores you!!

Jenn @ South of Sheridan said...

I can't imagine how hard it is to deal with this. It's appauling to think his father is so lax in being a good role model. You're a great mom hun, don't let anyone EVER tell you otherwise!

Busy Bee Suz said...

You are doing such an outstanding job Britt, he will learn right from wrong.
Children really are resilient. I promise.
I saw and experienced things as a child that are inexcusable. And look at how 'normal' I am. Stop laughing.

That being said BD is a jerk. But unfortunately you can't change him.
xoxox
Suz

Tylaine said...

Oh my Gosh! My jaw totally dropped when I read that. That's just awful and I'm so sorry you have to deal with this crap. I wish I had advice but all I can say is Aidyn is very blessed to have you as a mom. :)

purseblogger said...

Oh man Brittany. That is completely out of line and you have every right to be upset. Are you going to call him on it? He needs to be told that is unacceptable. I'm so sorry girl.

Syndal said...

aw Britt, I know how you feel. We go through this with my nephew and his not so awesome father. You just need to keep doing what you're doing and be an amazing mom like you have been and pray he'll grow up to be the man you try so hard for him to be. I'm sure he knows how much you love him and he'll be so proud to be your son.

Debbie(single;complicated) said...

I so feel you pain! I have lived a similar hurt! IT is so hard...but keep loving your son and setting the example you want for him! It will be OK!!

Dani @ OK, Dan said...

I want to slap that man.

Brit so sorry you're feeling upset. I would too. That's not okay.

But you, missy, are doing an outstanding job with that precious boy and because of you he will be a fine and upstanding boy, tween, teen, young man and adult.

ClosedOnSunday said...

I'm not a mommy, but I am someone who had an irresponsible "dad." My life wasn't perfect. There were lots of uncomfortable & confusing situations that I got thrown into. But, I also had lots of positive influences, so I got through them. And I am sure you are a positive influence to Aidyn.