I am going through a grieving process.
I am grieving over the loss of a friend.
She hasn't passed away, but our friendship has.
Before you start to think of me as being overly dramatic, hear me out.
Have you ever had a friend that you just connect with?
Someone who you meet and instantly you know you'll be friends forever?
Someone who gets you through a really terrible time in your life?
Someone whom you share your deepest and darkest secrets with?
I am lucky to have several REALLY good friends.
When I moved to FL I knew NO one. (besides my family)
It was therapy in and of itself to move there.
To start fresh.
To find myself again.
In the process of finding myself I met a girl who quickly became "that" friend.
Even after a rocky start I knew that she and I were meant to meet.
We swiftly became inseparable.
We laughed some nights so hard that I would almost pee my pants.
That belly laugh that completely consumes you, causing you to go red in the face and do that gawd awful snort you inherited from your mom. (or wait.. is that just me?)
She held me as I cried.
On Aidyns birthday I wept in her arms. Being an entire country away from my baby, and she was the one holding me.
We worked hard together.
We traveled together.
We flirted together.
We drank wine, and watched movies.
She was my other half.
She made my FL time what it was.
But then it ended.
About a month before I moved I felt her withdraw from me.
She spent more time with a co-worker of mine, and made excuses for not calling.
She stopped telling me her secrets.
She stopped inviting me places.
It was almost worse then a breakup!
It was miserable.
When I confronted her about it, she always made me feel as if "I" was the needy one.
Like I was making it up in my head.
When I left it was bitter sweet.
I knew I would miss her like crazy, but at the same time I already felt as if our friendship was over.
We talked only once or twice from Feb-June when I went back to visit.
Our relationship seemed forced at best.
She had her own plans, and I had mine.
BUT I wanted it to be there.
IT was... sometimes..
I loved laying with her in her bed and talking about past memories.
I loved having a drink at the bar with friends.
I loved getting cuban food at the ghetto but delicious restauraunt on campus.
Then I left again.
She quit answering my calls
She quit replying to my texts.
It would take months to get a response via facebook.
So I decided to ask her about it.
I sent her a message saying "Hey I miss you! You havent returned my phone calls in over four months! Whats up with that?! Totally not cool! Love you! Brittany"
I kept it light hearted, but it was a last ditch effort at a relationship.
She responded by saying something to the effect of: "I know, I've been super busy! I'll call you soon. .but I'm happy and thats all that matters!"
It was like a slap in the face!
After a long discussion with my mom I ended up deleting her off my face book, from my cell phone, and "out of my life."
I know that seems so "drastact" or juvinal.. but..
I needed to!
Sometimes there are people that are toxic in your life.
Either what they do or DONT do in my case brings you down.
From there I ended up facebook purging!
I went from over 500 friends to less then 250!
I deleted anyone I dont talk to.
I deleted people who added me from parties, and I never spoke to again.
I deleted ex boyfriends.
I deleted old school mates..
It was the most freeing feeling!
I think I could even delete more!
It was like a cyber funeral!
I got rid of all the people who were weighing me down.
Now I feel more confident to express myself on my facebook.
I feel as if the only people left are people who raise me up, and make me feel good about myself!
So as tough as it was to say goodbye to that old friend (FB if any of you remember her) it was something that I needed to do.
It may not be a forever goodbye, but for right now I think its the best thing for me.
Have you ever had to get rid of a friend?
How did you feel, and how did you do it?
Because some days like today when I see her profile picture and see that she has a boyfriend, and I know NOTHING about it.. I just wish I could call her up, drive to her house, crawl into bed and gossip with her until morning..
and knowing I can't just plain SUCKS!
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Posted by Brittany at 9:00 PM