Thats right people.
I had a MAJOR pregnancy scare yesterday!
I was all...
Do I have cravings? Yep! Hersheys chocolate and marshmallows!
Do I have trouble sleeping? Yep! My back is sore also!
Am I peeing more then normal? UHHH yes!
Heartburn? Yup! Pass the pink bottle, pronto!
Wait, what was that? Did I just feel a kick?
I swear I just felt something move in there.
I then proceeded to poke and prod my belly. Looking for something.. a baby maybe?
So now you think I'm pregnant too.. don't you?
So what caused this little scare?
No, not unprotected sex.
No, not a broken condom.
In fact there has been NO sex.
It was that darn show on TLC.
You know the one I'm talking about.
"I didn't know I was pregnant!"
That show is torture.
I could have not had sex in over a year and a half, and after watching that show I could still convince myself that there was a baby stuck in there, just waiting for me to go into labor the moment I stepped into the grocery store. I then convinced myself that I would indeed birth this year and a half old fetus in the frozen food section with Billy the stock boy coaching me through.
After a slight panic attack I re-examined the facts.
The cravings.... well marsh mellows and hersheys chocolates are sort of delish all the time.. ON a graham cracker... which is a typical camping treat. duh! :) I LOVE SMORES!
The trouble sleeping and sore back...... I DID just sleep on the ground for four days in a sleeping bag! HELLLOOOO! I'm not THAT young anymore.
The urge to pee..... That could have been when I shot gunned a beer with my cousin and became the "three man" in the drinking game. Which means I finished about five beers in less then an hour. (don't lecture.. i know..) That would be the reason for my peeing every two seconds. (DON'T BREAK THE SEAL!)
The heartburn..... Ya, I don't know where that came from! Maybe the salsa and spicy sausage had something to do with it!
No baby in my immediate future!
So the point of this post?
I think that TLC needs to post a disclaimer at the beginning of their show. I have taken the liberty to write one for them.. just in case they read this blog and in fact care what I have to say.
This show is not intended for Brittany Johnson. Brittany Johnson if you are having monthly periods and no sex, there is no way in hell that you are pregnant. Get off your ass and do some laundry instead of wasting an hour watching this show, and another two hours looking at your stomach in the mirror wondering if your unborn child is in there. No you do not need a baby book, and counting backwards in the calender to see when you last had sex only depresses you. YOU ARE NOT HAVING SEX. You do not need another reminder of that! TURN THE TV OFF NOW! ohhh and this is not suitable for young children. Parental Guidance is suggested.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Thats right people.
Posted by Brittany at 7:45 AM