Anniversaries are typically days marked to remember a celebration. A great day. A happy day.
Some Anniversaries, aren't happy days.
Today is one of those days.
Five years ago today, my life changed forever.
I have wrote about this day once before, so I won't go into all the details. Long story short, five years ago today, I was raped.
It is the hardest thing that I have ever gone through... This is the letter I wish I could have given myself 5 years ago:
Dear 18 year old me,
Today is the worst day of your life.
I am sorry that this happened to you. It was wrong.
I want you to know right away, that it is NOT your fault.
You are doing, and will continue to do everything right.
You are so much stronger then you think you are.
Stick with it! There will be days in the future, that you just want to drop it. Where you just want to be done with the whole thing. Just know that what you are doing is right.
You are strong!
Right now you feel like a victim.
One day, you'll realize you're a survivor.
One day you wont feel the hatred that you feel right now.
One day you'll wake up, and his face wont be the first one you see.
One night you'll go to bed, and you won't be haunted.
One day you'll forgive.
It's a process though.
You need to work through it! Each step.
Grieve. Cry your heart out! It may feel pointless, but it isn't!
Get angry. You are going to be angry at everyone. Him, yourself, and even God. Just know that God is strong enough... he knows what you are going through. It may take a while but one day, that anger won't consume you.
Forgive. It is the hardest thing you'll ever do. Forgiving isn't easy. Yet, its SO rewarding. It will heal you, and allow you to move on. It will allow you to love again. It will allow you to become the person that you are supposed to be. Right now forgiveness is the last thing you want to do, but you will reach it one day, and honey, it feels SO good!
Move on. You have a life left to live.
You have people to meet. A son to love. An adventure to go on.
Take each day at a time. Some are worse then another, but it WILL get better. I promise.
In five years, you will be so proud of who you are and where you are. You are not perfect. Life is not perfect, but its better.
So for today.... allow your family to love you. Cry your little heart out, and know that one day it won't hurt so bad.
-A stronger you.
Keep me in your thoughts and prayers today. Even after a half a decade, this is still a hard day to get through. I love you all, and I am so thankful for all your love and support!