Sunday, September 13, 2009

I have this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. I dont know why its there or when it will go away... I wish it would go away.

I have decided that it is time to move home. Away from this place that I love, away from my friends, away from my FL family, away from one of the best jobs in the world. It kills me. How do I leave a place that holds so much of me now?

For my son.

He deserves to have his parents in the same state. He deserves to have both of us around when he needs us. I heard him cry yesterday on the phone. He fell down, and he cried. I wasn't there to give him boo boo kisses. I wasn't there to hold him, and make it all better. I need to be.

So in a few months, i'll be making another LONG move back to where it all began. Back to the place of heart ache and joy. Its about time that I become a full time mother. I say that Aidyn is my world, and he is, but its time to prove it. No matter what struggles, or what I have to give up, it will all be worth it. I love falling asleep knowing that Aidyn is under the same roof as me, and I want that every night.

Maybe thats why my stomach hurts..... because I know that i'll be losing so many wonderful things, in the process of obtaining something even better. Life can really suck sometimes... but...

I'm glad I got to have this dance.


Busy Bee Suz said...

I think you are making the right more heartache when you have to send him back to Dad again for those long stretches of sharing. soon, your stomach will not hurt so much when your brain gets used to the change. :)
take care, suz