Thursday, January 6, 2011

Mine...

Sometimes I can't believe that I am struggling with the same issue in 2011 that I struggled with in o7!

(hey that rhymed)

It has been over four years since my sons father and I split.

I have gone through a roller coaster of emotions through out the past four years.

Its a true "Love" - "Hate" relationship.

Never the less, the one and only New Years resolution I have set for myself is:

"Getting over my ex!"

Should be easy.

Right?

The thing is that I really and truly LOVE spending time with him.

We laugh.

We have fun.

We talk.

We parent.

It seems SOOO perfect when we are together.

It seems, even for a day, that we are a family...

but then..

well then he gets into his car.

He drives the four hours back to his house.

He calls his girlfriend.

Crawls into his own bed.

Joins his own life.

A life that I am not apart of.

It is a fantasy land when we are together.

One that only exists in my head.

It looks real to the outsiders.

The ones seeing us eating as a family.

The ones that don't know the past.

The ones that see us walking together through the mall...

each grasping one small hand of our child.

But they aren't privy to the nitty gritty details.

They can't see my tummy tighten when I watch him drive away.

They dont see me cry myself to sleep.

We look like a perfect little family..

but...

There is NOTHING perfect about this situation.

Its like getting your heart broken.

Over and over and over again.

For four years.

So thats why in 2011, I am going to move on.

I am going to allow my heart to fully break.

I am going to let it heal.

I am going to move on.

I am going to stop sabotaging every relationship I attempt.

I am going to stop thinking "what if".

I am going to stop believing that there will be a day that he will be mine.

He hasn't been for four years, and he never will be.

The first step, is to admit that.

So raise your glass and cheers to 2011.

The year that my heart is finally mine again.

*cheers*

32 comments:

Miss Chelsea said...

You can do it!! I have faith in you

Rebekah said...

You can do this! I'll be praying for you!

Mandy said...

Ooh sweetie, I can only imagine how hard that is. But you can do it! You're strong, beautiful and have such a stellar personality! As soon as you heal, someone will swoop you right up! :)

Fashion Momma said...

Brittany, I can't imagine how difficult it is to try and get over your ex. I had a hard time getting over my ex and I don't have a child with him. That family connection is always going to make him a part of your life, but if you can separate "parenting" from "relationship" it will probably make things much easier. I know you've been dating and you are young and beautiful, and so smart and full of life. And you're OBVIOIUSLY a wonderful mother. You have so much going for you, so don't worry. Everything will work itself out!

Lacey said...

I can't even imagine how difficult that would be. But you can do it! You are such a beautiful person inside and out and so strong. I'll be thinking of you!

Cameron Armstrong said...

ya'll will always have some kind of relationship because of the child you two have together but a romantic relationship seems to continue the confusion. Yeah, its best to move on and find another man

Annie said...

oh hun, getting over an ex just stinks. but you can do it!! you are a strong independant lady! and you are going to meet mr. perfect some day and live happily ever after :)

Copyboy said...

You're going to find your one and only this year. I can feel it.

Nicole said...

You can do it and we'll be here every step of the way :)

Riahli said...

What a hard situation, I pray for strength for you. Here's to a great new year with a heart all your own!!!

Smart Ass Sara said...

Oh... this makes me sad. :( I know you can do it. You deserve to be happy and your son needs to see you happy. Think of it in that light- you want to move on so your son grows up with a happy mama all of the time!

Jessica said...

You can totally do it, feeling like that does suck but you are a strong and independent woman that can make a life on her own. You've gotten this far and we're here to cheer you on girl!

becca said...

you'll make it through hugs

Cecily said...

Good luck, sweetheart. You deserve true happiness and I hope you can move on and find it.

Amber said...

Oh, HONEY! That was really hard to read, because I could totally sense your emotions and heartache behind it. I can't put myself in your shoes, but I can say a prayer that this will be the year. You can do it! Love you!

Lori said...

This is the year of new beginnings for both of us...change begins with us being honest with ourselves and those that keep us accountable...I am in the front row cheering you on sweet girl...look out 2011 here she comes!

Natalie said...

I have every bit of faith in the fact that you will find the strength to get through this! I will be thinkin of you and praying for you! God Bless!!

Alicia said...

Oh my gosh...this made me so sad! This post was so real and honest!!! Only God knows the outcome, but he will always be in your life because of the blessing you two share.

Kit Kat said...

I have so much confidence in you to do this! I know it sucks and it will be hard... but I think you are right. Instead of just trying not to love him, start with admitting to yourself that it won't happen.

This is as far as I have gotten in my many years of wisdom :)

Eschelle said...

CHEERS!! You're a free bitch baby! Make steps to do all those things you've always wanted to do!

Shelley said...

Cheers!! You can get through this and just keep lovin on your little man who loves you so much!

rinniez said...

awww brit, its gotta be done but i wish it didnt have to be so tough for you! Keep your head up high and keep powering on... hopefully one day soon you'll be shocked to discover you've truly moved on.
:)
xx

Elizabeth said...

Here's to 2011! You can do it my friend!

Teenage Bride said...

Oh honey, you certainly do not deserve heartbreak. You are an amazing mom, hang in there. We all have faith in you!!!!

Head up girly

<3

Hannah @ The New Black said...

Sending hugs to you. It's so great that you do have such a good relationship, especially for the sake of your son.

Move on and keep being the good Mom you are!

V said...

GOOD FOR YOU GIRLFRIEND. Keep us updated, because you know like anything that your trying to accomplish support is always the best help.

Mc Allen said...

omgosh Brit, I am so proud of you. your right, this is the real first step. Im sorry for the pain this has caused you. But Im so happy that your moving fwd and soon youll be ready to love again and when that day comes, you'll be really, ready and what you have been through will prepare you for the one God has hand poicked for you!! I cant wait to read THAT post!!! But until then, love yourself and remind yourself that its all f=going to be ok. God has a plan and a purpose for all of iut, just believe!!xxoo LA

Tanya said...

Brittany that sounds like a terrible situation, and it is definitely going to be extremely hard before it gets any easier, but I will try to help you through as much as I can. You have such an amazing personality and I am soo sure that you will come out on top of this!!! :) You deserve someone fabulous and amazing!

Brittany said...

BRITTANY!!! I miss you :) I haven't been in the blog world for so long.

I hope you and Aidyn had a wonderful holiday season.

I pray that you are able to move on from his father because you truly deserve complete happiness! I know you can do it though. You're a strong girl! I'll be praying for you :)

Flirty 30 said...

Cheers - here's hoping 2011 is the year you get your heart back and are able to give it to someone who wants it (and you)

XXX

Mormon Surrogate said...

I wish you nothing but the best. You're such a sweet, cute girl. I can only imagine the pain.(((hugs)))

Vinomom said...

I definitely needed to read this today....I am trying to find the courage to get out of a seven year relationship. I'm not sure if I can do it, but for my sake I know I need to.