Sunday, September 19, 2010

Guess where I went today?

Church.

Its been a while.

I went humbly.

I went embarrassed.

I went not feeling worthy.

I went with my eyes cast down.

I went with my heart full of hurt.

The funny thing with sliding so far, is that it feels like you have to walk back by yourself.

Only you don't.

It just feels that way.

For months I've laid in bed feeling sick at night.

Sick about my behavior.

I know that I am not a BAD person.

In fact, I know I am a GOOD person.

BUT

my heart wasn't right with God.

Thats who's opinion really counts!

I have heard him scream at me.

Not mean.

Just loudly.

He screamed " COME BACK TO ME!"

After each date I heard him say "HE ISN'T RIGHT FOR YOU! COME BACK TO ME!"

I know some of you find that crazy?

But I have always heard him.

I have felt him pulling my hand...

Leading me back to him.

Yesterday I made the decision to start back on that path.

I have seen a sign for a church in our small down town.

I woke up and got ready today.

I was nervous!

I thought they would stare at me.

I thought they would see all my sin plastered all over my body!

We walked in a few minute early.

The church was TINY.

Everyone DID look.

BUT

They welcomed us in.

They surrounded us, and talked to us.

They talked with Aidyn, and got him colors.

They talked about their church.

They smiled at me.

Then church started.

It was EXACTLY what I was looking for.

It was as if God was saying to me:

"Look daughter. I have NEVER given up on you! You are mine, and I want you. You were and are never alone. I will take you back every time you fall down. I will take you broken and make you whole. Long for me, Brittany. Love me, Brittany. You will find happiness in me."

For the first time in a LONG time...

I am listening.

19 comments:

Mandy said...

I'm very glad you went back! I know it takes a lot of courage. But the Lord welcomes anyone and everyone. I don't want to sound too preachy or anything, but really... it takes a strong person to humble themselves and go to church, especially if it's been a while. The lessons that are taught there are so valuable.

purseblogger said...

This is beautiful girl. So happy for you. xoxo

danielle said...

i love this, britt. we go to church every Sunday and sometimes i think we might as well not made the effort. i think not going and not really "being" there are the same thing.

Rebekah said...

I am so glad that you went! I haven't found a church to call "home" yet, but I'm visiting one just to be in church. Like you, I always hear Him and always feel Him when He's leading me. It may not always be easy, but life is so much easier with God in the lead!

Tara said...

thats so awesome, girl! we're still trying to find a church near where we live. i definitely understand how it can feel intimidating!

Jess Craig said...

good post.

molly YEH! said...

awww you are SUCH a good person, sweetie :-)

sssdawna said...

what a beautiful new beginning for you : ) i agree with danielle about actually being there...thanks for posting this!

WhisperingWriter said...

This is awesome :)

Alicia said...

Amen!! I'm so proud of you!!!

Dani @ OK, Dani said...

Aww this is sweet. I just wanna say, I wish you went in there with your head held high!! There is no need to keep your eyes cast down. I dont know your beliefs about god, but the God I believe in never judges or rebukes, and if people do, they're not of that God.
I'm glad you went back since you were feeling the call.

Vic said...

AMEN Sista!!!!!:) xoxoxo

Brittany Nolan said...

:) God loves you no matter what! and you are right, he will never ever give up on you. Loving God and serving Him are by far the best rewards you will ever find on tis earth! :)

listen to this song :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=thLdWPr32yY

Elizabeth said...

Glad you went~ it can at times feel that way but glad you got there! I always feel better once I go! :-)

Nicole said...

Wow that's awesome! That gave me goose bumps! And believe that he'll find you the right guy too!

Holley said...

very touching post.
i'm happy for you. what great feelings.

Tutus N' Trucks said...

Kevin grew up in church and I didnt. Kevin and I used to go EVERY sunday but now....now we dont. We NEED to go. Your post inspired me. Next sunday. We ARE going to church.....

Big Hair Envy said...

Wow. I know how hard that was for you. We had a similar experience a few years back....walked into church for the first time in WAY too many years, and have been attending regularly ever since! God is patient with us:) Don't be so hard on yourself, Squeaky Cheeks;)

I can't believe how much your little man has grown! What a cutie:)

Cassie said...

So glad you went back! It's amazing how hard it is sometimes to make that commitment even when you know you so desperately need it. Keep praying to the Lord and getting to know Him more!