Its been a while.
I went humbly.
I went embarrassed.
I went not feeling worthy.
I went with my eyes cast down.
I went with my heart full of hurt.
The funny thing with sliding so far, is that it feels like you have to walk back by yourself.
Only you don't.
It just feels that way.
For months I've laid in bed feeling sick at night.
Sick about my behavior.
I know that I am not a BAD person.
In fact, I know I am a GOOD person.
my heart wasn't right with God.
Thats who's opinion really counts!
I have heard him scream at me.
He screamed " COME BACK TO ME!"
After each date I heard him say "HE ISN'T RIGHT FOR YOU! COME BACK TO ME!"
I know some of you find that crazy?
But I have always heard him.
I have felt him pulling my hand...
Leading me back to him.
Yesterday I made the decision to start back on that path.
I have seen a sign for a church in our small down town.
I woke up and got ready today.
I was nervous!
I thought they would stare at me.
I thought they would see all my sin plastered all over my body!
We walked in a few minute early.
The church was TINY.
Everyone DID look.
They welcomed us in.
They surrounded us, and talked to us.
They talked with Aidyn, and got him colors.
They talked about their church.
They smiled at me.
Then church started.
It was EXACTLY what I was looking for.
It was as if God was saying to me:
"Look daughter. I have NEVER given up on you! You are mine, and I want you. You were and are never alone. I will take you back every time you fall down. I will take you broken and make you whole. Long for me, Brittany. Love me, Brittany. You will find happiness in me."
For the first time in a LONG time...
I am listening.
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Posted by Brittany at 4:49 PM