Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Filling me up.

No, I am not talking about all the Thanksgiving/Christmas goodies that I have gorged myself with these past two months.. I'm talking about filling up my heart.

This past month has taken its toll on me. Sure I have gone two months with out my boog, but that was with preparation. I usually know when he's leaving, and have a good few weeks to prepare for it. This time, his grandmother asked only a few days before. I didn't have the heart to say no. So in the rush, I had no time to even think about it. No time to dwell on it.

I guess that was a blessing and a curse. It was nice not having the time before for heart ache, but it felt like full throttle to nothing. I guess I just wasn't ready. When Aidyn-man isn't here I feel like an empty shell. Walking around performing all my duties, but not really feeling anything. Parties don't excite me, the bars feel too crowded, and life doesn't seem as good. FB even noticed. Even she hasn't been able to cheer me up. In fact more then ever it feels like we are growing apart.

I know that I can't do this for much longer. It kills me to be apart from him. He is the love of my life, and I don't feel complete with out him near me.

So that being said, you can all assume how excited I am that in four days my little love bucket, sweet nugget, boogie boy, Aidyn man will be in my arms again. I. CAN. NOT. WAIT!!!!

I know some of you have read more then enough posts like this, but the truth is, every time he's away I miss him, and every few days leading up to it, I am so PSYCHED to get him back that I can hardly sleep!

The month has been filled with conversations that make me tear up. Lots of:

"I just want to go to your house mom. Come pick me up!"

"Mommy I want you!"

and the hardest came on Christmas eve:

"I don't want to open my presents mom. I just want to come to your house. I want to come to your house in Florida!"

Talk about ripping my heart out of my chest. Talk about bringing a grown woman to tears. Lets just say, that I will be one happy woman when I never-ever-ever have to hear those things again. In fact I'll be the happiest girl in the world when my son is with me long enough to be sick of me and me of him!! :) Just make sure to remind me when it happens!!

Keep me in your prayers tomorrow, as I will be traveling back home to Minnesota. I pray for safe travels, and decent temperatures (i'm a FL girl now!)! I can't wait to see my family, (esp. my mom!!!!), my friends, build a snow man, and go sledding! BUT you know what I am most excited about, don't you!!! :)

Love you all! Happy Tuesday!!!!

7 comments:

WordsPoeticallyWorth said...

Seperation is hard to endure, especially during the festive season. To share the wonderful existance of your much loved child with your family is a pride in itself. Grieve your loss, but embrace their gain as a joy to behold from your unselfish empathy. Xmas is about giving, and you have truly given your all. I wish you peace and happiness for both your futures together. Take care. Bye.

Busy Bee Suz said...

Time apart has to be the biggest struggle for a parent that has to 'share' with someone else. (this may be why so many people stay in bad marriages?)
I will be praying for a safe travel back up 'there' (the cold tundra)
Can't wait till you have your love nugget back. (I love those silly words too)
Take care, Suz

Elizabeth said...

Travel safe my dear!! I will be praying for you...I put you on my prayer list for the week!! Stay strong and enjoy your time away with family!!!!

He & Me + 3 said...

I am so new to your blog I don't know the whole story, but I know that being away from my kids is so hard. I can only imagine being away from them for a long while. Praying for safe travels & a sweet reunion with your son.

Jenglamgirl said...

Your little boy is beautiful, how great that you will have him in your arms soon. I assume he is with his dad????? My mom said before my first was born.... "You have to wonder how you ever lived life without them!" they really are worth living for. Thanks for your visit, come back again! HAPPY SAFE TRAVELS!

Angel said...

Thanks for stopping by my blog!

Have safe travels, and enjoy your time with your family!

Julie Harward said...

Thanks for the visit to my blog...have a great week with that little one! :D