Thursday, March 19, 2009

Life

Some days I just feel like crying. I dont really know why. (At least I know i'm not pregnant!!!) Even on happy days, like today... when I get to act silly and goofy with my co-workers, something just gnaws at my heart. I guess I do know why... even though I'm scared to let myself think about it. Its saying goodbye.

I know I posted about this last week.. and you are all getting sick of hearing about it, but I cant help but tear up at the very thought. This morning, I was woke up by kisses. Just like sleeping beauty. Aidyn held my face and kissed me. Then as I woke up and smiled at me he said "lub you mommy!" How can you not smile when you're woken up like that. It makes my day.. my whole life. I am so lucky, and proud to have a son like him.

I love how considerate and polite he is. I love that he can make passing strangers smile. I love that he picks up his toys, and loves to dance. I love that he enjoys art, and will pretend to write on any scrap paper he finds laying around. I love that when he kisses me he holds my face. I love his pouty face. I love that when he sings he mixes all the songs he know together. I love the look on his face, when I come home from work. I love that he loves with his whole heart, and doesnt hold back. I just plain love every inch of his stinkin body. From his sandy blonde hair to his stinky toes. ( :) )

Keep my son and me in your prayers. I will need every ounce of courage to walk away. (God now i'm crying at work! geez!)

Anyways.. just pray for me today.. its a rough day... Thanks Guys.. and hugs and kisses from FL :)

2 comments:

Busy Bee Suz said...

I will be praying for you.
Maybe you should try to look at this from another angle...(I know it will be hard, but worth a try)
Think about when you were a kid...I don't know what kind of relationship you had with your dad..hopefully good though. But don't you want Aidyn to have good memories of his Dad too? I am sure your heart is tugged into several directions, but think of this time he has with his dad as being GOOD for him...not so much for you. But as Mom's we sacrifice our happiness for our kids. :) Right?
Don't know if it will help...but it is all I can think of my friend.
Kids need to have a good bond with both parents. It is what gives them comfort as they grow up and head out into the big ol' world.
Take care....
Suz.

smiles4u said...

Oh honey, it will be okay. The letting go part is alway hard but I know that you know deep down that Aidyn will be in good hands and how good it is for him to have a daddy in his life. As hard as it is, try to look at these positive things...you will get a break and just think how much you will appreciate it being a mommy once he is back again...it will be good for you to have some time ALONE, to work on you...time to embrace and get to know the now adult "you"...time to build yourself up...time to do some of the things you can't because you have child responsibilities.

I know none of this takes away the hurt of letting go but it can be your focus and motivator to keep moving forward. Enjoy these last days with him and keep in mind, it is just for a season. I am sending you hugs my dear and you know I am always here. I do understand how hard it is. I love you, Mom